Samantha(Chapter 1)

"I love you."

They were empty words, I knew, I was the one saying them. Reflected in his own gorgeous loving green eyes were my empty brown ones. Why would I say it when I didn't mean it?

"I love you, too."

Because I was selfish. I saw that he was slipping away so I clung onto the one thing I knew he couldn't refuse, my affections. The ones that he had been vying for, the ones that were barely concealed in every embrace, every smile. I knew where this was going, I saw the disaster that would unfold as the words had slipped from my mouth. Not caring, I had trudged forward because I wanted just one more moment of happiness.

Just one more chance at love.

I smiled. He smiled back.

I hated myself for the ugly fake smile. I hated him more for not noticing.

He had leaned forward for a kiss but I had turned my face so he caught my cheek. Soft, his lips were so soft, but they left a sense of chilling cold rather than the heat that's suppose to escort love. When he leaned back, he still had that smile on his face.

I wish he would stop.

I wish he would realize that I was lying.

I wish he would look at the lies in my eyes and see.

Most of all, I wish I loved him as much as he deserved.

Reality was cruel and wishes were for those who believed in miracles and fairtytales. I had faith in neither, my faith was drained, running on empty. So I pulled on the hate, I reached for the sadness and used it as my source of strength.

I didn't smile back but I reached for his hand. Maybe I was searching for comfort. Maybe I just wanted to feel a real human being. Maybe I just wanted to find some sort of reassurance that he was here, that somebody was here.

And that I wasn't alone.

My greatest fear, my one Achilles heel was loneliness. To think, to ever ponder that possibility of being solely alone in the world, it made me cringe and squeeze his hand tighter.

He squeezed my hand back in response.

And we walked. To where, I wasn't really sure. He continued to talk about sports, or some movie, I just nodded along. It didn't matter, he seemed happy.

Nick, Nicholaus, the guy was the image of prince charming with his dark brown hair and brilliant green eyes. Tall, dark and handsome but completely clueless.

I was Samantha. Or Sam. I liked Sam better, more simple. I was his antithesis. Bright platinum blonde hair almost to the point of white with dark brown eyes. I was short, jaded, and a twisted kind of beauty.

No, I wasn't always like this. I wasn't always so negative. I wasn't always so against happily ever after. But life changes people. Time haunts rather than heals. Mistakes replace memories and sometimes people turn into robots rather than cranky old people.

I smiled and nodded.

A face-splitting grin appeared on his face.

I think I just agreed to...a date?

Hopefully, it was just that. A date. Maybe I'll be strong enough to be able to let him down. Tell him, I'm no good for him. Tell the guy that he needs to keep looking for that girl that'll make him happy. Maybe Angela from math class.

...life screws with people and all people can do is nod along and go quietly like delicate little glass pawns.

Tragic, really, and if not tragic, funny. Cynically hilarious.